Wow it's been awhile! Life and the reason I'm done with sex!

Okay so it's been a super long time since my last post and so much has happened since then! Well I'll start off by saying that me and My BF broke up after the last post and I'm happy again...well at least in that part of my life. Not to say I'm not happy, the rest of my life is still a bit of a mess that's all.

Let's update a little..... My mom is no longer staying here she found a place! Of course now that she doesn't need anything from me I never see her and she never calls. But oh well I'm use to that.

My sister is suppose to move out in a couple of weeks and move to Vegas with her loser BF. I'll believe it when I see it! But I'm hopeful it will happen.

My father spends most of his time at his GF house, but still shows up randomly.

I've spent most of October doing Volunteer work with my kids school everyday. Up until we all got sick with the flu and spent all of last week in bed. I can still work at the school but being a recess teacher in November might take more balls than I have! It's freezing!

My unemployment is up this week, but I applied for emergency unemployment and am still waiting to hear back hopefully I get it other wise I will be homeless! I'm strongly considering college. I live about a mile away from a community college. I've looked into taking classes there. I have to wait until spring because my W2 from last year would make my Pell Grant really small. So I have to wait until the year is over and I have a new low W2! It frustrating I only hope I can make it on my unemployment until then! I've already applied for the spring quarter and have done all my homework, so I'm ready to go :)

My Best Friend Lost her husband The first week of October. I've spent tons of time with her this last month she's grieving a lot. It's been trying of course but as a BF it's my job to stand at her side or really where every she needs me. I'm going to her house again tonight and staying for I don't know how long....I never know.

This also forced me to "talk" To my former BF about are friendship. She has a huge drinking problem and say she cares about other people but really doesn't. The truly sad part about all of this is that she honestly thinks I abandoned her in her hour of need, when it was she who pushed me and everyone else away! She spent the last 3 year distancing herself from anyone who gave a shit about her! And when we finally decided to "talk about it" she refused to see it as anything but her being abandoned! I finally told her we would have to agree to disagree because if she genuinely feels that way, than nothing I say will ever reach her! And to top it off it was Halloween and I had gone to a bar (one we go to a lot) with a friend and she showed up with her BF who is a huge asshole! And my X-BF's best friend. Oh and did I mention my X-BF had showed up earlier with a friend of his! I think the only thing that made this night better was the fact that another guy I used to date showed up with a group of his friends and there was a drunk pirate that kept hitting on me! Argh!

Also I've decide to give up on sex completely!!!!! Not that I don't like it, I love it! I'm just tired of the whole men thing. Oh and I'm not giving up on men either I still want to met them and hangout, but fucking is out of the question! Why? U ask. Well I've had sex sine my x with like 4 people I know I'm a huge slut so what I used protection and never put it in my mouth, so leave me alone okay? lmao! Anyways all of them where total duds! I'll explain ....I'm gonna use fake name tho ha ha ha!

Mr. Nostalgia...... This guy is actually some one I went to school with. He was super nice in high school, but a total jock/good boy/religious virgin. We had a couple classes together I thought he was nice but never someone I would be more then friends with. We meet up at a bar down the street from my house that does awesome karaoke! We hung out a few time talked a lot on the phone and wound up sleeping together. Okay so the sex wasn't that great (he was very into himself) but I still felt like after implying that we would hang out later that day when he dropped me off. That he would at least call me or something, but nope nothing.

Mr. Alpha Male.... Okay so granted, maybe I deserved this one. I broke a cardinal rule of mine with this one, but I didn't even realize I was doing it at the time! Okay the rule is "I do not ever go home with or hookup with anyone I meet at a bar or club.... unless I already know them" I'm almost 30 and until Mr. Alpha Male I never broke that rule. So you can guess what happen right..... I went to the karaoke bar down the street and was alone drinking and watching people sing and this somewhat crazy/off/drunk guy starts talking to me (I love men who are diff. I find them interesting and fun to talk to) So he offers to walk me home because he's walking to and only lives a couple of blocks from me. He convinces me on the way home to go to his place cuz his roommates are all up drinking and having a good time. So we get to his place and everyone is asleep and we stay up drinking and talking and eventually making out which of course leads to sex. He seemed pretty cool, weird, but cool. So we hang out the next morning until about noon and he gives me a ride home and as I'm getting out he says "call me" I said "No you call me, your the guy" I know maybe I'm old fashioned but that's just how I am. Besides he went on and on about how he wanted to see me more and all that. So after a week off not hearing from him he calls me drunk at 2:30 in the morning! Said he was calling me like I asked, being the "Alpha Male" Seriously! I could hear his friends in the back ground and it was more than obvious that he had just left the bar at closing time and was hoping to get a little ass on the way home. Um yeah I don't think so!

The Artist....Okay so this is a guy from my past, great guy glad I meet up with him again (Facebook) So me and this guy hung out and talked for quite awhile, we still talk but are lives, in my opinion are to busy and different for it to work out. I only like to see men on the weekends but he works weekends. So he wants to hang out in the mornings while my kids are at school. But that's when I do my house cleaning and blogging and bathing and just about everything! I do this so when my kids get home from school I've got time for them. Sorry but I'm not giving that up for anything!

Mr. Magnolia, This guy is the one that sent me over the edge lol! Okay so again with the Karaoke bar (I haven't been back by the way!) ....... I met this guy a few weeks ago we exchanged numbers and made plans to go on a date, but my friends husband passed and she needed me a couple of weekends in a row so he said to call him when I had time. So last weekend I called him and we hung out Friday. We had a good time started at his place drinks and convo, then went to a neighborhood bar to play pool, but the table was broken, so back to his place for more talking. Eventually he convinced me to go to bed with him. He had to go to work early so he told me to just sleep in and leave when I wanted to. So I did then I txt him Sat. night (Halloween) That me and a friend where going out for drinks and that he should txt me if he wanted to meet up. So he said he had found something to do after all. So we said have fun to each other and that was that. Now it's been a week and no word from him!

So here's my problem...... Why if your looking for a one night stand or something purely sexual, do I have to listen to you talk about your personal life all night long? I mean if this is nothing more than sex why don't men just be straight about it? I might be open to the idea! It's when I'm forced to put time and effort into something that's completely meaningless, that I feel anger! Don't trick me into sleeping with you under false pretenses! Be honest! And don't tell me we'll hang out again if you have no intention of doing so, it's not like I asked!

Anyhow...I'm tired of dishonesty and all that. Plus the less then great sex that my life has been pledged with lately, together, I'm just not interested anymore!

I just feel like men should be more ........Real!

NOTHINGS CHANGED.....

OKAY SO NOTHINGS CHANGED AND I FEEL I NEED TO POST ANYWAYS. I REALLY NEED TO GET SERIOUS ABOUT FINDING A JOB THOUGH! I REALLY DON'T WANT TO CUZ I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE A HUGE PAY CUT BUT UNEMPLOYMENT WON'T SUPPORT ME FOREVER AND I DON'T WANT TO BE DEPENDENT ON MY BOYFRIEND..... I DIDN'T MENTION HIM YET. HE'S CURRENTLY LIVING AT THE COUNTY COURT HOUSE SERVING A "WORK RELEASE" SENTENCE FOR DUI. HE GETS OUT THIS SUNDAY. HONESTLY I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT HIM TO COME HOME. HE'S CHANGED ALOT AND IS SUPER UNPLEASANT TO BE AROUND I THINK ON TOP OF WHATS ALREADY GOING ON. I'M GONNA BE SUICIDAL BY MONDAY!

OH AND WHY IS IT THAT MEN CAN BE SUPER NICE AND WILLING TO DO ANYTHING AND TREAT YOU LIKE A PRINCESS, UNTIL THEY MOVE IN AND THEN IMMEDIATELY TURN INTO SELFISH, LAZY, WHINERS THAT BITCH AND MOAN ALL THE TIME? AND WHATS UP WITH BEING TOTALLY COOL AND SOCIAL AND THEN TURNING INTO A CRAZY JEALOUS MONSTERS? I HATE THAT SHIT! SERIOUSLY DON'T GET ALL KINDS OF CRAZY IDEAS IN YOUR HEAD JUST BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO CALL ME WHEN I WAS IN THE BATHROOM OR SLEEPING! AND IF I GO OUT WITH FRIENDS DON'T ASK ME 100 QUESTIONS AND PRETEND THAT IT'S BECAUSE YOUR INTERESTED. WE BOTH KNOW IT'S BECAUSE YOUR INSECURE AND EVEN THOUGH I'VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES I WON'T PUT UP WITH THAT SHIT! AND I WILL BREAK UP WITH YOU OVER IT, YOU STILL CAN'T HELP YOURSELF, YOU HAVE TO KNOW. HONESTLY IT'S JUST AS BAD AS SAYING "SO DID YOU FUCK ANYONE LAST NIGHT" !!!!

OF COARSE BY THE END OF THE WEEK I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT ANYMORE. HE'LL BE HERE AND HE'LL COME WITH ME EVERYWHERE I GO AND KNOW AT ALL TIMES WHERE I AM AND WHO I'M WITH. AND IF I GO OUT BEFORE HE GETS OF WORK HE'LL FIND ME AND MEET UP WITH ME AND ACT LIKE HE OWNS ME AND MAKE NO ONE WANT TO TALK TO ME CUZ BIG HUGE CRAZY GUY'S GOT HIS ARM AROUND ME AT ALL TIMES!

AND I CAN FORGET ABOUT HANGIN OUT WITH ANY GUY FRIENDS IF HE CAN'T BE THERE CUZ HE WOULD TOTALLY FREAK OUT!

SO ALL IN ALL.... I NEED A JOB...... AND MY FUTURE LOOKS PRETTY FUCKIN BLEAK!

I WRITE IN CAPS!

THANK GOD FOR THIS! I'VE BEEN MEANING TO DO THIS FOREVER! I NEED A JOURNAL OR SOMETHING LIKE IT! SO BAD! OH AND ABOUT THE ALL CAPS THING I DON'T KNOW IT'S JUST FASTER AND I FIGURE NO ONE WILL EVER READ THIS ANYWAYS AND IF THEY DO OH WELL ...THIS IS AN ANGRY BLOG ANYWAYS! I HAVE ANOTHER BLOG AND IT'S A BEAUTY BLOG, I'M SUPER NICE ABOUT EVERYTHING AND DON'T TALK ABOUT ANY OF THE BAD STUFF. JUST SUPER SWEET ME, IN AN ALMOST PERFECT WORLD. I LOVE MY OTHER BLOG IT BRINGS ME HAPPINESS ...BUT OCCASIONALLY I NEED TO BE REAL AN EXPRESS MY FRUSTRATION WITH MY "IRRITATINGLY FUCKED UP FAMILY AND LIFE"!

OKAY SO THAT'S THE BIRTH STORY OF THE BLOG. ON WITH THE VENTING!

NORMALLY MY "IRRITATINGLY FUCKED UP FAMILY" DOESN'T BOTHER ME. I'M PRETTY WELL ADJUSTED, BUT MANY MONTHS AGO MY DAD, SISTER AND NOW MY MOTHER MOVED IN WITH ME! THEY NEEDED A PLACE TO LIVE AND I'M THEIR ONLY OPTION, SO THEY SAY. OH AND FOR THE RECORD MY PARENTS SPILT UP LIKE 12 YEARS AGO OR SO. LIVING WITH THEM HAS DRIVEN ME TO NEAR INSANITY! I CAN'T STAND IT. I GET ALONG OKAY WITH MY DAD MOST OF THE TIME, BUT MY MOM AND SISTER DRIVE ME CRAZY! I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE AND I'M ABOUT READY TO WALK INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

ALSO WHILE I'M LAYIN OUT FACTS AND BACKSTORY LET ME INTRUDUCE YOU TO EVERYONE AND THEIR CURRENT STATUS:

ME: I'M UNEMPLOYED. I GOT LAID OFF AND MY UNEMPLOYMENT IS ABOUT TO RUN OUT. I PAY ALL THE BILLS AND RENT BY MYSELF. I'M HAPPILY DIVORCED, WITH 3 CHILDREN. I MOVED OUT WHEN I WAS 17 AND HAVE BEEN SUPPORTING MYSELF EVER SINCE.

DAD: UNEMPLOYED, NOT IN VERY GOOD HEALTH AND IS A RECOVERING DRUG ADDICT. WHEN I SAY RECOVERING I MEAN HE ONLY DOES DRUGS OCCASIONALLY AND NOT AT MY HOUSE. HE DOSE STILL SMOKE POT (NOT AROUND MY KIDS!) WHICH I DON'T CARE ABOUT BECAUSE EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY DOES, FOR THE MOST PART. HE CONTRIBUTES TO THE HOUSE WITH HIS FOOD STAMPS AND DOES HOUSE HOLD CHORES LIKE THE DISHES. THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME MY DAD HAS LIVED WITH ME AND HE IS THE MOST RESPECTFUL OF THE BUNCH. HE SLEEPS IN THE LIVING ROOM. MY DAD HAS A GIRLFRIEND THAT I CAN'T STAND, MOSTLY BECAUSE SHE'S A CRACK WHORE (IN MY OPINION)

SISTER: MY SISTER HAS TWO JOBS, BOTH OF WHICH ARE PART TIME. SHE HAS 2 CATS AND LIVES IN MY GARAGE. SHE HAS NO MONEY EVER AND EVERY TIME SHE SAVES ANY SHE BLOWS IT ON HER WORTHLESS, NO ACCOUNT LOSER BOYFRIEND! THE MAIN REASON SHE HAS NO MONEY MIGHT BE THAT SHE SMOKES MORE WEED THEN ANY ONE PERSON EVER SHOULD...... ESPECIALLY SOMEONE LIVING IN HER YOUNGER SISTER GARAGE WHO'S TRYING TO "SAVE UP TO MOVE OUT"! EVEN THOUGH THIS IS AN ANGRY, GUILT FREE VENTING BLOG I FEEL COMPELLED TO MENTION THAT SHE HAS BEEN IN POOR HEALTH AND UNABLE TO WORK MUCH IN THE LAST 5 WEEKS. SHE DOESN'T CONTRIBUTE MUCH TO THE HOUSE WITH THE EXCEPTION OF HER NOT SO CHEERFUL CHARACTER. MY BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH MY SISTER IS HER INTERFERENCE WITH MY CHILDREN. SHE OCCASIONALLY FORGETS THAT SHE'S ONLY AROUND BECAUSE SHE HAS NO WHERE ELSE TO GO. AND THAT IN MY BOOK IS NO REASON FOR YOUR OPINIONS AND IDEAS TO HAVE MERRITT!

MOM: UNEMPLOYED, GETTING UNEMPLOYMENT. ALWAYS BROKE! SHE'S SOME WHAT OF AN ALCOHOLIC BUT IS MUCH MUCH BETTER THAN SHE USED TO BE! SHE OCCASIONALLY COMES HOME FROM THE BAR AT NIGHT DRUNK AND STARTS A FIGHT WITH MY SISTER IN THE GARAGE. SHE NEVER REMEMBERS AND IF SHE DOES IT'S NOT HOW SHIT WENT DOWN! SHE'S ALWAYS THE VICTIM IN EVERYTHING! SHE CREATES ALL HER OWN PROBLEMS, BUT SHE'LL NEVER SHE THAT! MY MOM IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN CRAZY. NOT 100% OR ANYTHING, BUT DEFINITELY HAS SOME MAJOR ISSUES WITH REALITY! SHE ALSO HAS MAJOR ISSUES WITH MY PARENTING SKILLS AND TECHNIQUE. BUT I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT THAT CUZ I HAVE SOME MAJOR ISSUES WITH HERS! MY MOM DOESN'T CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING TO THE HOUSE BUT TENSION AND THE OH SO FUN DRUNK SCREAMING ABOUT HOW "NO ONE CARES"! MY BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH MY MOM IS THE OVERWHELMING DESIRE TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN FROM HER!

OKAY SO THERE WE HAVE SOME BASIC KNOWLEDGE. THE REST WILL COME EVENTUALLY.